can we just take a moment and think about the time my dad accidentally made a fried egg that looked exactly like africa
i’m the most impressed by the fact the egg also has madagascar
Day 1: you ripped open my vagina and I hate youDay 5: just kidding you’re so cute and soft and small lol I could fit you in a handbagMonth 2: STOP CRYING PLEEEAASE. JUST ONE HOUR OF SLEEP AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVERRRRMonth 5: mama? Mama? Mama? Say it? Please? Say something? PleaseMonth 8: IF. YOU. DON’T. STOP. SAYING. MAMA. THE. POLICE. WILL. NEVER. FIND. THE. BODY.Year 1: One down. 17 to go…Year 1, Month 11: oh god.. it’s coming…Year 2: NO PLEASE JUST PUT THAT DOWN. NNOOO! DON’T TOUCH THAT! Baby, i love you no matter whaT BUT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THAT JJUST STAY STILL PLEASE SWEETHEARTYear 3: Oh thank god that’s overYear 4: Awwww, you went to preschool. isn;t that adorable, my little intellectual shitYear 5: ACTUAL SCHOOL! YOU LEARNED COLORS AND NUMBERS YOU’RE A GENIUS
Year 15: You called me a fuckwit. What the fuck is a fuckwit?
year 16; oh god no LIGHTLY step on the gas NO NON NO NO YOU DONT HAVE TO PRESS THAT HARD ON THE BREAK!!!
year 17: I caught you masturbating but you didn’t notice so I didn’t say anything. You’re welcome.
why is this so cute
This story keeps on getting better and better
chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash
Yer a hazard, Harry!
Never forget this freaking thing.
Menstrual pads have been mentioned as early as the 10th century, in the Suda, where Hypatia, who lived in the 4th century AD, was said to have thrown one of her used menstrual rags at an admirer in an attempt to discourage him
if you don’t think history is a truly inspiring subject you’re wrong (via fashiondisastercecil)
starting today all blogs without the following image will be deleted within 24 hours
i’m not even afraid of deletion. i just want this image on my blog
BUT WHY IS IT DIFFERENT EVERY TIME WHO CHANGES IT
IT’S SQUIRREL! DEAN
no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.
WHAT A CUTE OLD MAN AW LOOK AT HIS FACE